I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
