this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
