She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
