Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
