I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
