$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
