There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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