No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
