My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
