I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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