We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
