Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
