Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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