I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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