Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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