Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
