Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
