lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
