I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
