I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
