Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
