lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
