Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
