she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
