perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
