When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
