My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
