when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Is Oprah even human
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
