hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i will never coherently bang her
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I am one with the molecules
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
