I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
