Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
