She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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