Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
