Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
