It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
