Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
