the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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