i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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