Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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