when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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