dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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