Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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