Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
50% drunk capacity currently
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
