I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
