Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
