I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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