Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
