Plan B is the new Plan A
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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