i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
