Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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