5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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