I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
